every bitter thing is sweet

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Rhythm

It's been three weeks since we picked up James from the Care Center, and I use the term "care" quite loosely. I digress. It's been 2 weeks and 3 days since he's been home with us, in this house, a part of our day-to-day.

All that I thought and pictured of our days is in no way even near to our reality. Not even close. So, here we are, four small children, one in second grade, one in Kindergarten, one who should be in Kindergarten but who speaks no English and is behind our 2-year-old developmentally, and said 2-year-old.

Days are long and hard and nothing like I foresaw. But, we are seeking our new "normal" and each day we get up and choose to see it as a gift. That's just honesty. It's not all bad, of course, but it's not all good, either. So, there you have it ... reworking our days to make this all work.

We're flipping our mornings and afternoons and maximizing the boys' nap time. Hooray for 3-hour naps.

It is looking something like this, and so far, so good ... except for the sweaty kids by lunchtime. bleh.

*wake-up, dress & ready for the day, beds, tidy house
*breakfast
*Bible ... devotions and scripture, Adventures
*handwriting
*106 Days of Creation, MW
*outside playtime, 2 hours
*boys: preschool; girls: book basket Adv, nature
*lunch
*boys: naps; girls: language lessons, reading aloud, math, and A Living History of Our World + Adventures
*quiet family time ... Pearables, picture study, music study, art/drawing, baking, reading, nature study
*educational dvd Nest or Odyssey
*bedtime routine

Here's hoping we can set our days to a rhythm that sticks ...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

God's Glue

It's not as simple as it may seem. I'll be honest and probably sound callous. Frankly, I'm too tired to really care much right now. I say that with love. ;)

Before we sat next to Zeb on that silent drive to the Guest House from the Care Center on August 23, and for the prior 11 months of our journey to him, he was just that, Zeb. Not Zebdiyus or Jebewidos or Zebediyous or any of the dozen other spellings to his name. Just Zeb and we were happy with it. Zeb did not respond to "Zeb" anymore than he would have responded to Mike or Sarah when we were in Ethiopia. We met his dad and talked to him about Zeb's name and heard his dad say it sweetly to this little boy. That was awesome and unforgettable and full of sounds that our ear and tongue do not register. We also heard unfriendly voices at his orphanage boom "ZEBDIYUS" across the yard. We heard raucous boys taunt him by chanting "Zebdiyus". We heard the sweetest social worker at the Care Center use his name gently and with kindness.

His name is his past and it is all he has that belongs to him in this big, scary world. His past is in part beautiful and in part broken. Broken in ways that are unimaginable to you and I as we sit in our comfortable, warm, safe homes in our free, enviable nation, sipping clean, cold water, while grabbing a fresh apple from a full fridge of safe foods, much of which will probably go to waste this week.

This child hears an Amharic speaker and the tears start flowing. Why? I can't say for sure, but I have my suspicions. We can't communicate beyond looks, basic words, and affections. I say "Zebdiyus" and his eyes are emptier than when I say "Zeb". His story is his and not mine today. Someday, I hope. But, for today, God placed him in my care and my mama-gut says that he needs the sense of belonging that comes from being named by us--his parents. Zeb does. I'm surely in no way saying that all adopted children do. Nope. Not at all. I am solely speaking of Zeb and of our little family wading through this stormy, uncharted sea, clinging to each other and to His word to keep us afloat. I'm not exaggerating. Anyone who tells you that adoption, especially international adoption, is all beauty and wonderfulness and bliss is lying. Period. It is beauty tempered by reality, hardship, grief, culture, exhaustion and messily held together by God's glue ... grace.

So, as we waver on Zeb's first name ... we are preserving his full given name, but moving it to the middle as two middle names, just like our Jack has two middle names ... it is not because we are fickle or selfish. It is because we are searching our souls for just the right name that speaks to this little boy that only we know right now and who is navigating his place in our family, too. It's a process, like every.other.moment that has passed over the last three weeks. Naming him also deepens the bond that we are creating with him. Adoption does not equal instant desperate sacrificing love for another. It is a dance with new steps thrown in each new day. Some days we fall, a lot, and some days we shine. Above all, we are grateful for every grace.

Monday, September 12, 2011

And Painters

Our international adoption doctor called us today with a myriad of results from Zeb's tests last Tuesday. We were particularly curious about the bone age scan he underwent (sounds scary, but it was a simple xray of the growth plates in his wrist) since he is exceptionally delayed both developmentally and physically. He is aged at 5 years 6 months and the scan is accurate within 6 months, approximately. On paper he is much older than this, so sometime next spring we will start the process to re-age him on official documents, before the new school year, so that he is not thrust into a compulsory age of attendance when he is not the original paper age in the first place. Phew, that's confusing. Thanks for reading through that jumble.

All of this to say how it makes my heart ache and I get this rush of warm over my body when I sit him down to do what all 5-year-olds love to do ... paint.

Paint? What is paint? What is a paintbrush? What is drawing paper? What are watercolors? What is a smock? Which side of the brush do I hold? Colors? Mixing colors? Making purple? Brown?

How is there such disparity in this world? The sadness was arresting as I stood there looking at him and then at my other children and thought, gosh, how can we as human beings sit quietly while children are wasting away. It's not just painting ... holding a fork, seeing socks for the first time, wiping his bum, eating slowly with the complete assurance that the food will still be on his plate for the next bite, running water, sheets, lotion, band aids and caring hands ... truly disparity.

So, today, we painted. Baby steps to bridge the injustice.

And speaking of injustice ... Mae was forced to study grammar in lieu of painting today.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Dancers

"The question is not—how much does the youth know when he has finished his education—but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?"

~Charlotte Mason

The girls' first and much-anticipated dance class ... tap and ballet ...

And little brothers, of course ...

School ~ Week 1

Our first week of school was an unexpected success. I worried endlessly about pouring over and pulling together my own curriculum ... but I can happily say that I made the best choices for my family as we are today. I have learned to keep an open mind and to be willing to go with my heart and drop what isn't working (or what might not work) despite the fact that so many amazing homeschool families have found their niche with that very same thing.

This summer I read Pocketful of Pinecones and Lessons at Blackberry Inn by Karen Andreola and found myself again drawn more intensely to a Charlotte Mason education for my children. The simplicity (not to be confused with simple-mindedness), the beauty in everything, the living books, the faith in children as capable learners, and the shift of making connections within the child, not the curriculum, led me again to create my own curriculum and set the bulk of MFW Adventures aside.

I feel like I found this hidden gem with our history core. A Living History of Our World is everything that I have wanted for our family studies, and more. It is from a Christian worldview, inspired by Charlotte Mason, it pulls together the learning for both of my girls and meets them where they are at, it is age-appropriate without being watered down to the point of silliness, the lessons are just the right length and depth for this age, and the people and events it covers feels thorough while still sparking an insatiability for learning about the same period in US history in a few years.

I have also fallen in love with our Science studies. Simply Charlotte Mason has delivered a breadth of science lessons with 106 Days of Creation Studies that are Biblically-based, in keeping with the Charlotte Mason philosophy of living books and nature study, and intended to be studied as a family. Each day of creation is the "theme", if you will, though I use that term loosely, and the lessons illustrate God's wonderful works ... for instance, the lessons around Creation Day One highlight light, shadows, reflection, refraction, and color. It's a beautiful and simple and intentional way to use God's plan, living books, narration, notebooking, and hands-on learning to bring the wonder of science to life for my children. I'm grateful to have found this resource.

With that, aside from our 3R's ... Pathway Readers, Primary Language Lessons, Pictures in Cursive/Printing with Pictures, Language Lessons for Little Ones 3, copywork with George's Rules of Civility, and respective math curricula ... our history and science/nature studies give our days exactly the feel in execution, too, that I've been seeking all along. With each new week this first month I will be adding more Charlotte Mason studies ... picture, music, A Child's Geography, missions, and art.

To a blessed year ...